Thursday, August 06, 2009

grassroots? you tell me

Will the true grassroots please stand up!

Know Your Town Hall Mob Agitators!

By Linda Douglass
Deputy Assistant Under-Minister of Truth
White House Health Care Task Force

Greetings citizen! By now you may have heard scattered rumors of state and party officials encountering reactionary resistors at local health care reform information programs. Do not be alarmed, for our 5-year plan for citizen health proceeds without delay. Remain stalwart! The truth can be told at last, that these so-called "protests" are merely the desperate rear flank mob actions of dead-end bandits and saboteurs in the pay of enemy insurance agents.

Pay them no heed, for these outside agitators in no way represent any threat to our great patriotic push forward for increased citizen heathfulness! These well-dressed prep school gangsters of reaction seek only to frighten and demoralize and intimidate you, with their confusing "facts" and hob-nailed Sperry Topsiders. Unfortunately they are joined in conspiracy by a well-financed network of unlicensed blogs and talk radio traitors, who exaggerate their numbers and percolate disinformation -- even cleverly staged YouTube videos of an impostor President Obama saying "quotes"!

Remain strong, citizen, for the day of their comeuppance is near! Patriotic spontaneous volunteers from, Organizing For America, HCAN, SEIU, AFSCME, ACORN, NPR, and MSNBC have all pledged independent grassroots efforts to spread the word about the health-hating tricksters and their transparent astroturf agitation campaign!

You too can help by remaining ever-vigilant for health traitors in your local sectors. But beware: though small in number the state health reform enemy is clever, and well trained in subterfuge and disguise by his monopolist paymasters. Your job is to recognize his signs, and report any fishy-seeming protest or blog activities to me or other official authorities within the Health Care Truth Ministry. Here is a visual training course to help you in the execution of this important patriotic duty.

At the Health Care Town Hall

We have taken great care to insure that the site and times of local sector health care town hall meetings are known only to a specially-selected cross section of ordinary grateful citizens and responsible media outlets. Yet, in some cases, saboteur mobs have infiltrated and ruined the 11 PM news footage. Until we can find the fifth columnists who are leaking this classified information, it is important that you alert security forces to possible organized infiltrators before they enter the building and disrupt the applause sign schedule. Please study the following photos:

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Here we see typical everyday hometown American citizens freely expressing their spontaneous health care opinions in an uncoordinated manner. Note the fine grassroots sanserif display font typography of their signs, spontaneously designed for maximum television legibility. Note that these citizens have coincidentally chosen their signage to color-match with their t-shirts. This will help independent grassroots organization leaders locate the citizens to distribute town hall seat assignments and bus departure schedules. You may also note that these hometown neighbors are carrying spontaneous chant cards.

Truly, this is Democracy in action. By contrast, let's look at this set of photos:


Behold the face of infiltrators and saboteurs, citizen! Look at the surly anti-American anger and carefully practiced dishevelment. Note that their signs are scrawled, fiendishly tricking cameramen into closeups. All are expertly handmade, an expensive graphic design luxury only affordable to their puppet masters in the drug and insurance cartels. Note these mobs are so well paid for their agitation that they actually arrived in their own cars and expensive non-matching t-shirts. Fishy? You bet! Report them at once!


Spotting potential health care traitors online at first seems trickier than in person, until you remember that behind every opponent site lies a web of anti-patriotic conspirators. Often these sites will mask their treachery behind a clever veneer of "sarcasm" and "CBO data." A careful Google Image Search may be helpful in determining his true loyalties. First consider this photo of a random blogger.


Note how gaily he smiles behind the wheel of his decadent sporting-car, an obvious bauble provided by his oligarch masters in the pharmaceutical and blender industries. "Whee!" he seems to sing, blissfully ignorant to the plight his 47 million uninsured co-citizens. Calm your rage at his heartless insolence citizen -- his tune will soon change! 

And what of this blogger?


The days of your deviltry are numbered, well-dressed running-dog lackey of gangster insurance plutocrats! You and your $250 suit are now entered into our monitoring data base!

In addition to reporting suspected health care blogoteurs, it is important to remind your fellow citizens to practice "safe surfing" when looking for health care reform information. Links to approved, citizen-driven, spontaneous grassroots websites can be found at Organizing for America, Health Care for America Now!, and ACORN. Until further notice, all other health care opinions are considered hostile disinformation from highly coordinated state enemies!

In Your Home Sector

Rooting out the deceptive web of anti-health propagandists must not only take place at our town halls and on line. If we are to defeat the forces of reaction, we must expose and isolate these sinister elements in all local sectors. Be alert and report all telltale signs of membership in secret Republican cabals: elite extremist plutocrats...


Extreme Texans...


religious extremists...


Southern gun extremist...


and extreme religious gun extremists.


All are potential dangerous, so report first and do not try to confront. Most of all, keep you eyes alert for the most diabolical cabal standing in the way of our great push forward for your health!


That is all, citizen! Remain steadfast in your grassroots vigilance, and a healthy tomorrow will be yours!


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