Friday, June 04, 2010

Top 10 suggestions James Cameron gave BP to stop the oil leak that BP then terminated

Sure, the 10 suggestions are a joke, but the underlaying story is no B.S.
Obama actually tried to get a Hollywood director to help BP.

Obama is totally out of his depth.

Thursday, June 3, 2010

Top 10 suggestions James Cameron gave BP to stop the oil leak that BP then terminated

Obama had a genius stroke the other day. To stop the oil leak, he would employ one of the best minds in engineering history - Hollywood director James Cameron. I guess all the eggheads up on the Hill that couldn't come together to blow a beer fart in a whirlwind weren't working out so well. Cameron swiftly gave BP his top-10 suggestions for stopping the leak:
  1. Go back in time and kill the mother of the inventor of the deep water offshore oil rig.
  2. Design a dive suit to use oxygenated water to withstand the high pressures. Send a guy down with weights and glowsticks to communicate with underwater aliens to help us out. 
  3. Beat Dick Cheney back to life after his next heart attack. Fight, damn it. FIGHT! Dick'll know what to do.
  4. Since a slimy sheen threatens Florida, distract it with online porn and gambling.
  5. Build the Titanic, move it over the leak, sink it. Make sure bad guy BP CEO is on board right where it cracks in two.
  6. Genetically engineer an undersea Avatar. Have it manned by Sigorney Weaver or Lina Heady. Kick some oil slick ass. Keep Michael Biehn, Bill Paxton and Lance Henrickson on deck.
  7. Design underwater 3D cameras to film the gusher because 3D cameras are cool.
  8. Use a phased-plasma rifle in 40-watt range.
  9. Hook me up with a 6th wife so I can think of a new concept.
  10. Have Arnold drop that water heater looking nuke off a Harrier jet.Or just nuke it from space. It's the only way to be sure...
Uh - actually, that last one could probably work. In any case, BP told him to stick his suggestions into his own Abyss. From Yahoo! News: Director James Cameron says BP turned down help offer
Film director and deep-sea explorer James Cameron said on Wednesday that BP Plc turned down his offer to help combat the massive oil spill in the Gulf of Mexico.

"Over the last few weeks I've watched, as we all have, with growing horror and heartache, watching what's happening in the Gulf and thinking those morons don't know what they're doing," Cameron said at the All Things Digital technology conference.

Cameron, the director of "Avatar" and "Titanic," has worked extensively with robot submarines and is considered an expert in undersea filming. He did not say explicitly who he meant when he referred to "those morons."
Because Hollywood elitists driving around in their Priuses and smelling their own farts know better. Next up, Obama will call Mike Rowe, internationally recognized expert in dirty jobs or something.

UPDATE: Fox Business Network: Can Hollywood Save Us From Oil Spill? 

UPDATE #2: Linked by Instapundit! Thank you!

UPDATE #3: The Troglopundit wonders: Why? Did they need a solution that looks new and wildly imaginative, but is in reality just a lot of re-hashed talk that's been done over and over and over again?


digame said...

Why Cameron? Were Carl Reiner and Mel Brooks busy?

Fiftyville said...

Number 1 suggestion for James Cameron: don't remake "Dances With Wolves" again. Try something a little more original, like maybe "Casablanca", but with underwater Nazis instead. Ooh, and mermaids!

orbicularioculi said...

This is Obama's response to Environmental Disaster? Call in James Cameron? Hey, we're in good hands with Obama.

Anonymous said...

There's always the Mythbuster guys ...

Anonymous said...

Cameron isn't an expert in underwater robotics....the Cameron hired is the damn expert!

Of course, neither Cameron nor his expert worked at depths of 5000 feet. Liberal fucktards.

Anonymous said...

Obama administration... strong arm tactics, law breaking, liars, corrupt at every level, gross incompetence, deceit on a daily basis, no love for this nation, arrogant... wasting trillions of dollars, weakening the country while growing the government, appointing communist party members to posts in the administration...
and there are still people who LIKE him?
God save this country from the unwashed parasitic masses of democrat voters.

Anonymous said...

My choice would be David Copperfield. He can make anything disappear.

Lee said...

Too bad Lloyd Bridges is dead.
He had that tv show Seahunt where he played a scuba diver. Bet he could kick some oil well ass.

Anonymous said...

Maybe you knuckleheads won't figure this is so funny if you knew that Cameron and his brother were involved in pushing underwater technology forward.

For starters: underwater robots; scuba masks with radios that enabled people to speak rather than suck on a piece of rubber.

There's also this to consider... Cameron can't do worse then the BP engineers, can he? And at least he's trying to DO SOMETHING. What are you doing?

Anonymous said...

Nah, he'd never pick Mike Rowe. Mike Rowe is an Eagle Scout, so he'd be politically radioactive among the PC crowd. That, and Rowe also seems to respect people who work for a living.

Anonymous said...

Don't forget George Lucas!

Never mind, he'd just make it worse.

Gibbs Rhymes with "Glibs" said...

Maybe BP will return the favor after Cameron's next stupid movie...

Anonymous said...

"There's always the Mythbuster guys ... "

For some reason, I first read that as "the Ghostbuster guys," and thought of the line "He slimed me."

erickbrockway said...

Somehow I knew it wouldn't end well for Cameron. BP said; "Thank you, bub bye."
Cameron said "You morons!"
Didn't take well to not being needed for anything not made up in his own head.

Anonymous said...

Mother Ocean? Oy Vey Paulie, Paulie, Paulie. Most of the Titanic "underwater" shots were done in the studio. Yes there were a lot of real underwater shots, but that does not make James Cameron an expert - the expert is the guy he hired who made it happened - Cameron only went for the ride. Just because I can drive a car, doesn't make me an expert in every area of the automobile. So, BP is closer to a solution - Hopefully- and we will see if that works, but what are they supposed to do, back off and let cameron do his 'magic?". I really don't think these Hollywood guys ever said anything about using their own money - BP would get a bill afterward, even if they failed. The Obama Admin allowed this rig to be leased by BP, and they signed off on all of the paperwork, that is why he is backed off of it. Barak Petroleum also donates to Obama. And as we have seen, yes this is terrible, but the Earth is very capable of dealing with these types of situations. Do you even think this is the very first time a hole in the bottom of the ocean opened and oil came out? Remember that Oil, although icky and yucki, is a natural substance, and yes it will take years for the affected areas to be returned to normal, but they will return, just like Alaska. And before you go showing me those dated pics of the area around the Valdeze, compare any of them with the original spill damage. If they were allowed to drill closer to the coast, in water that was not so deep, it would have been better, because then they can use more resources, whereas at 5,280ft down, they don't have a lot of pinpoint accuracy. 
BP will pay for this one, but for these hollywood types to come out and say they are the experts - compared to who I would ask, not the real experts.

Anonymous said...

I always get worried when a professor references farts twice in one post.

Anonymous said...


What's New in our Beautitul World said...

Obama's response to Environmental Disaster?

Anonymous said...

How about getting Aquaman? He would be able to summon the whales, dolphins, octopi, etc. to help too.

(And afterwards Ari could take out Vince, E, Turtle, and Drama to celebrate on South Beach.)

Lazarus Long said...

Paging Chuck Norris, Paging Mr. Chuck Norris!

Squid said...

Mike Rowe wouldn't fix the problem, but he'd make damn sure we knew the names of the guys who did, and what a crappy job they have doing it.

Rowe/Paterno 2012!

Quaestor said...

A phased plasma rife in the 40 watt range would only annoy a determined enemy like that leaky wellhead. However, a 40 MEGAWATT plasma weapon might just make it stop and think, but if it thinks too long we're dead meat. The less light the better. We catch it between these two electrodes and hit the juice, then it's goodbye. But it's got to be standing on the grid or we won't get a ground. Wait 'till it's right in the middle, Captain.

Ah, James Cameron, Hollywood's golden boy. He can't seem to draw a sharp line between fantasy and reality, can he? If he didn't see it in a movie somewhere he doesn't know anything about it. I recommend he consult Clint Eastwood. A man's got to know his limitations.

And that Paul Sorveno clip, Holy Mother! He must sign his checks with a crayon.

To the anonymous knucklehead who wrote this, "Maybe you knuckleheads won't figure this is so funny if you knew that Cameron and his brother were involved in pushing underwater technology forward." Please explain how Cameron pushed underwater technology forward. By designing stuff? By inventing new alloys or plastics? Do you know, because if you do I'd like to read about the details? Try posting a few links to back up your claims. I rather suspect Cameron's "push" was mostly limited to cash put in the hands of clever people with degrees from places like MIT and Stanford. It's called investing. I myself have invested in new technology from time to time, and to some extent one might say I've "pushed computer graphics technology forward," but only to the extent that I've risked a little scratch. But if I were to leap before the media camcorders and suggest that on the grounds of my investments I'm therefore an expert on GPU design, I would hope that some kind soul would give a shot of thorazine and lock me up for my own good.

Anonymous said...

Obama is Jimmuh Cahtuh redux, absolutely feckless and ineffectual. 

He is a technically illiterate academic lawyer, and that's all he hires into the WH, so that's all they got to address this issue, and it shows.

It shows in their approach so far. They hire some Hollywood lefty assclown to fix the problem, and then tell their lawyer Holder to sue somebody. 

That's it. Those are their big moves. Get the showbiz lefties and trial lawyers on the job. Problem solved. 

What a doofus this guy is.


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